Intermittenly challenging

August 15, 2006 I almost feel guilty leaving Ben with the night nurses. Almost. They describe Ben as 'intermittedly challenging.' Last night the nurses called me 3 times on our landline. Thank God I had unplugged the house phone. I was sound asleep when my cell phone buzzed me awake at noon. The nurse had located my cell phone number and she begged me to talk to Ben on the phone. Seems the nurses had to call security because my husband, Houdini, kept attempting to escape on the elevator. At home when he gets up one of the five times each night, 90% of the time he thinks he’s late for an appointment, or he need to go put up signs, or measure some property. This morning he was looking for me. That’s what he was doing at the nursing home when he kept escaping.
I’ve learned so much these last almost 5 months- things I’d never have learned had this not happened. What I learned last night is don’t let your dog out after he’s overdosed on thyroid- Bones didn’t return until 2:30 last night- he was wired I’m sure! Of course I feel guilty not paying any attention to my poor thyroid overloaded hound. He looked so pathetic when I got home tonight. And of course I am looking for signs that he’s ill and not acting right- but he wasn’t acting right before he ate the thyroid- he is always traumatized for days even weeks after Ben is taken off by the medics.
Went to a caregivers support group tonight with my fried Sarah and it was helpful and actually comforting. I think all this education about our new situation is slowly sinking in- I’ve been too much in crises mode so I haven’t had time to really learn enough about what’s happening with Ben’s deal, what ever you want to call it, his disease, his traumatic brain injury, the fact that he’s got a dicey heart and all the stuff that goes along with dementia. Looks like they are going to keep him for a bit longer- YEAH!!! Maybe even place him in the intensive in-patient rehab for a week or two. I HOPE. Even Dr. Mc Dowell wrote a letter to our social worker explaining whey we needed more ours of care giving if Ben stays at home. And I am trying to listen with my head and not my heart when all the social workers and doctors keep suggesting Ben be placed in a home. The thought just upsets me so I can’t even hear that they are saying, ‘for a while- not forever.’ Of course I want what’s best for Ben. And what’s best for Ben may hurt like hell.