sweet as a lamb

July 31, 2006 Quickly- everyone’s saying they aren’t being notified when there’s a new blog- that’s because my sister Ann just got a full-time job (she was in-between when she set up the blog) so I doubt she’ll have time to post when new ones are coming out. If you are reading this, please pass this info on to anyone you know that has been following the blog.
I’m afraid that my postings about Ben’s shenanigans have made some of you apprehensive about spending time with Ben- be assured that he’s not going to run off if you go for a walk or take him to play pool- he mainly gets confused in the middle of the night like last night we got up every hour to Ben getting dressed to go to work. He now has a note from his doctor that reminds him he can’t drive yet, so all you have to do is ask him to take out his wallet and he’ll remember.
Thanks to all the brave souls who have helped me while our caregiver is gone for the week- she gets back on Thursday- can’t wait!
Ben continues to amaze me, and I am amazing myself- I am dealing with and taking care of things I never thought I could- thanks for all your help and positive thoughts and energy and prayers- keep them coming- we’ve still got a long way to go.

Never say never

July 23, 2006 It’s sweltering hot here for us spoiled Pacific Northwesterners- been over 100, but only 30% humidity, unlike the east coast. Our caregiver is going camping this week and she would like to stay even longer if I can find someone to spill me off a bit. Anyone available to look after Ben the afternoon/early evening of Wednesday 7/26, Thursday 7/27 or Friday 7/28, anytime on Saturday 7/29 or Sunday 7/30, and in the afternoon/early evening of Monday 7/31, Tuesday 8/1 or Wednesday 8/2? Your place or mine, or… Ben loves taking walks, playing checkers and Yahtzee, playing pool and he still wants to go hit golf balls.
We seem to be getting into a routine around here- still in rehab, although we are taking a couple of months off of occupational therapy but he’ll continue with speech therapy. We take yoga at the Y. This week we start cardio rehab at St. Pete’s- I think the exercise will help Ben sleep better. Nighttime is the main time we have problems as far as Ben becoming disoriented and confused- they call it ‘sundowners syndrome’- and it’s common with Alzheimer’s and other mind-effecting diseases. But luckily it really doesn’t happen until after dark- which is after 10 here in the summer. The trick is getting to bed early enough, but not too early. We plan to walk over to the Capitol Plaza and watch the fireworks tonight, which begin at 10:15, but we’ll see how it goes.
From what the doctors are telling me, this is going to be a long haul. Right now he’s making progress and that’s what they want to see- but they keep warning me that there will come a time when he levels off. They say most of his brain injury is what they would term ‘moderate traumatic brain injury’ all except his memory loss which they say is severe. Memory is one of those things that doesn’t usually repair itself- although Ben’s memory is improving right now- but when it levels off we will be learning new tools to help him compensate for his memory loss- things like lists and a daytimer. I got him a watch with the date etc. so that helps.
Speaking of watch- I ordered Ben’s new watch band was too big and needed a few links removed. We went to Talcott’s and the new owner, who Ben did some breal este business with, recommended McKenzies who does jewelry repair. Ben walked into Mc Kenzies and said, “Do you know who we are?” Mc Kenzy looked taken aback and said, “No, should I?” Ben said, “We’re the Bolenders, the oldest family in Thurston County. We’ve been here since 1906. No, 1896. No, 1776.” It’s always so difficult to know what to do in those situations because if I correct him then we usually start arguing. I said, “I think it was 1896, hun.” Ben says, “Well, you ought to get to know us. We just got back from a trip around the world and we are very big jewelry customers.” This line of talk continued on, me trying not to get into an argument. Finally when Mc Kenzie was finished, I asked him how much did we owe. He thought for a minute and said, “How does ten bucks sound?” Ben answered, “A hundred’s more like it!” I had to politely tell Ben a hundred was more than what the watch cost. Ben continues to be blissfully unaware that we are not millionaires, which is fine with me. He doesn’t need to be worrying about money.
Speaking of worrying about money, I think I’m going to get my real estate license. I deliberately let it go a few years back, along with my real estate school credentials. Dang it, I have to take a 60 clock hour class- the same class I used to teach- but now I can take it on-line. There’s no other business I could go into that I would have the flexibility and make as much money. I know I swore I’d never go back to real estate that I was determined to be writer, but I’m writing about the real estate industry so I can call it ‘research.’ Never say never.

grandkids

Ben loving his darling grandchildren- Tabitha, Marissa and Perry 

Desperados

Ben and his brothers and sisters and mom for brother Mark's 50th birthday 

YEEHAW

Ben and his 5 sisters, mom and granddaughter Marissa down at Mark's ranch 

AAA

Never a dull moment around here. We woke up late, after getting up and down all night with Ben insisting he had to go to work- he’s talking about buying another real estate franchise- yeah right! He wanted to go out to breakfast for some strange reason- something we hardly ever do except when traveling- when I asked him where he said, “Denny’s of course.” Of course- although in 21 years as far as I remember we’ve never gone to Denny’s for anything. So I took him to Caitlin’s in Tumwater, not knowing where a Denny’s is anymore. He ordered this huge breakfast and kept adding everything the waitress suggested. When it took forever to get our meal, he asked our waitress, “What are you guys doing? Catching the goat?” Luckily our waitress was as out of it as we were so half the things Ben said to her went over her head.
Afterwards we took Bones down to Pioneer Park on the river. I thought I was being so clever by locking my purse, cell phone, keys in the trunk and carrying the key to the car in my pocket- the one I had confiscated from Ben last week when he was trying to race off in the Acura. When we got back to the car I discovered that I had the key to the old Honda in my pocket instead, which did not unlock the Acura. So there we were- Ben was tired from the walk and wanted to go home.
Suddenly the clouds shifted and it was hot. So we started to walk home, all the way I’m thinking logistically how am I going to drive back two cars- all morning Ben had been fighting me about driving again- it’s a constant battle- but if I follow him, what if he goes someplace other than where we are going? He can’t follow me for obvious reasons. . Then I had the brilliant idea of stopping in at the Y on Yelm Highway where they let us make a phone call to AAA, with Bones tied up outside howling and carrying on, Ben arguing with me that we could just call a cab or one of our many employees. This was my 4th, and last free call to AAA since Ben’s heart attack. It took us a half an hour to hike back to the park- mainly because Ben kept crossing Henderson, back and forth thinking he was building the new houses and wanting to develop the wetlands into a new subdivision. Just as we got back to the car, the kid who breaks into cars for a living pulled up in his souped-up hotrod. Of course, Ben is making all kinds of suggestions to this kid, who was trying to figure out what the heck was going on and what we were all about. But sure enough, he got the hummer unlocked and we took off for safer ground – home!

down by the riverside

That's all of us down at the base of the falls on the Deschutes 

Ben & Cynthia

We had a lovely picnic with Cyndi, Ben's oldest daughter. That's her husband Doug in the background- he's the one who spotted Ben coming out of Cash & Carry when he wandered off to Lacey last week- we are truly grateful for Doug's sharp eyes! 

NEWS FROM THE FRONT

Another fun-filled and exciting day with the General started off this morning with the state patrol calling at 5:30 this morning to inform the General that his 1984 Celica was towed off the freeway and we could find it at Gene’s Towing in Tacoma. Yesterday we spent the afternoon up by Camp Murray cruising for the General’s abandoned vehicle- still don’t know how we missed the Supra as we passed by it a number of times- oh well, perhaps Ben’s condition is contagious?
Anyhoo, we bailed the car out, to the tune of almost 200 bucks! We brought a gas can because Ben told the guards at Camp Murray that he had run out of fuel. But when I fired up the Supra it made a wretched metal on metal clang and the tow truck/mechanic guy waved his arms and yelled for me to turn the engine off, immediately if not sooner. Seems we blew or threw a rod or some such thing- anyway it’s a 99% chance that the car is toast, which was what I was afraid of since Ben left a big old oil puddle in the driveway when he raced off leaving Cecelia and me with our mouths hanging open. So, lucky us, we spent all afternoon at the tow truck place in Tacoma, amusing ourselves, waiting for AAA. Like I always say, there’s nothing more fun than a day at the lovely tow truck yard- particularly on Pacific S in Tacoma!
Gene’s Towing might have been easier to take had we not already been awake when the state patrol called at the crack of dawn. Ben woke up from a dream in the middle of the night, convinced that we must drive to Seattle immediately to find some hotel, he didn’t know where, and rescue someone, he didn’t know who, who was being held hostage by someone, he didn’t know who. Sleep-deprived and irritable after failing to convince him he was dreaming (his doctor thinks we sleepwalked the morning he took off on Monday) Finally, when it got late enough to call someone, Tom talked to his dad and convinced Ben that it was going to be okay, that he would call Seattle police and take care of it. Ben was just fine after that.
George suggested that charitable organizations sometimes accept old cars for donations- in the near future I may be asking if you know of any...
Thanks for all the info and help you’ve all been sending me- I appreciate it all and I am trying to zero in on the solution but I have a feeling as soon I figure out what we need that we are going to be past whatever is going on with Ben right now and we’ll be on to a new set of problems. One thing I am learning at least for right now is don’t try to argue with him- just go with what he’s saying… oh no!

BIG BROTHER IS TRYING TO WATCH

My goodness, all I can find on the Net is horror stories of what would happen to our civilization if we allowed such things as microchips with GPS. (I have to admit, so many of my PC ideals have been altered through-out this ordeal such as living wills, DNR, life support etc. but that's another rant)
The FDA has approved one such device- VeriChip, but it holds only identification info with access to medical info and no GPS.
The problem is what Ben needs does not seem to exist on the open marketplace. We need some way to keep some kind of a monitor that could sound an alarm that he's gone out of bounds, but also some kind of GPS if he makes it out of bounds. I'm thinking maybe Canada? Or maybe someone knows someone with knowledge of experiements or studies or even someone with the electronic know-how to put something together that would serve our purposes.
The police's only solution is to "Put him in a home," which is totally absurd- first of all he'd wither and die in such a place, he'd just escape anyway like he did at the nursing home! They had one of those Martha Stewart ankle bracelets and he not only escaped repeatedly but he figured out how to remove the supposedly unremoveable bracelet.
All of the existing GPS devices on the market require that Ben either wore or carried something such as a cell phone. This is all well and good but even if Ben wore something he supposedly couldn't remove, I think he's far too bright and tricky. Plus he forgets that he promised not to take it off. And he gets these notions that he's the General and he can do anything he damn well pleases.
Any help would be appreciated... Republicans? Mad scientists? Genius teenage tecno-geeks?

the General has returned

Ben escaped again this afternoon- this time in the CAR! He took off in the Supra which he started WITHOUT a key! Cecelia was here with me and we watched in horror as he cranked it up, put into gear and shot out of here like a bat out of hell! By the time we took off after him he had VANISHED! This was at 3:30. We searched and sent out search parties to no avail. A little after 5 I got a call from Camp Murray, the Army base by Ft. Lewis- a good 20 miles up I-5. This gal said my husband was in her office and asked me if he was a GENERAL! Oh my God! What a relief! Security held the General till Cecelia drove me up there to collect him, thinking of course that I would drive our car home. But when we got to Camp Murray we discovered that the General had come on foot- somehow he charmed his way through the gate, telling them he had run out of gas. Now he can't remember even how he got there- although he just told our neighbor Al that he went to a restaurant and ate salmon...
The plot thickens- one 1984 Toyota Supra Missing in Action but the General has returned unharmed. Again- we'll never know the whole story.
We are MADLY searching for some kind of GPS tracking device- Ben said he'd even be happy to have a CHIP implanted but we're having trouble finding any info- does anyone know someone in the priviate investigation industry that might know?
Hey, also a tip from someone stupid who didn't know her car tab license numbers- the cops couldn't do a full APB out on Ben until I could find his tab numbers which are not with the insurance stuff- that only had the VIN# So make sure and write down your tab numbers in case a loved one runs off with your car!
But it's becoming urgent to find a solution about this tracking device- none of the agencies the police told me to contact have any info on such devices. The General and I give our thanks to all the people who were looking for him! Again, another happy ending. All that's missing is the car, and the story of what happened... 

BEN FOUND!

July 3 9AM- Tom and Dawn just brought Ben home- Doug (who didn't know that Ben was miissing yet!) spotted Ben coming out of Cash & Carry and called Tom on his cell- Tom and Dawn had been driving around looking for Ben since I called them at 6:30 this morning. Nancy was here when they brought him home. Ben was dressed in shorts, his leather jacket and a beret and he was VERY happy to see Tom and Dawn- it was cool that it was them picking him up instead of the police which would have been scary. So this story has a happy ending and we are extremely thankful! It's always something!

BEN MISSING

July 3, 2006 8 AM- I woke up at 5:30 to discover Ben missing- I last saw him at 4:30 when he got up to go to the bathroom. Search and Rescue is on their way to look for him down below in the ravine- wouldn't you know- it's the same day of the Neo-Nazi demonstration at the Capitol- afriad he may run off with the skinheads! If you've got any ideas let me know.

Music the the Park

July 2,2006- Hey- we are planning to go to Music in the Park this month- it's free music every Wednesday night at 7:00 at Sylvester Park- this week it's Jude Bowerman. Next week, July 12th, it's the Symphany Orchestra. Hope to run into some of you. Love, B&B